feeling mediocre and submissive again~ blaming myself for everything like always~ i hate myself for having so much self-hate (self-hateception) well, it's actually my fault since i gave someone else the power to make me feel inferior and weak (see? i'm still taking responsibility omg i'm not even trying i promise)

funny how i hate myself so much. yeah, i find it funny! hahaha i don't understand how other girls get so much confidence with themselves? like where are they getting their self-esteem? T^T i can't even get close to the idea that i'm good enough. feels like everything nice i've ever done becomes meaningless when i did one tiny mistake.

*sigh* i need to give myself a break. thinking about it would just make things even more complicated. hakuna matata, bitch. what's the point of hoping anyway? i'm tired. tired of hoping, tired of worrying, tired of pleasing people, tired of everything.