7/27/14


lalo akong naiinlove oh my god

7/26/14

i'm dating the gh4n6zT4h~


HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCHO
okay lang, shit happens :D move on na lang, basta ang mahalaga okay pa din kami ngayon hahahaha iiwasan ko nalang din mag inarte sa mga mga bagay na sobrang babaw :D hehehe sorry

7/23/14


I got something cute in the mail today :D a pusheen eating noodle shirt for my wearvin :D 1/3 of my luggage is full of pasalubong for him and our cat alone hahahahaha hindi pa kasama yung mga pagkain na gusto ko ipatry sa kanya hihihi i'm so excited to stay in the philippines again!!! ❤️ 166 days, 12 hours and 25 minutes na lang flight ko na!!!! Yaaaaay!
i tried to offer my hand but they want to get the rest of my arm O_O wotf friends?! i gotta stop being so nice to you now. sorry. can't handle abusive people.
i'm sorry, i've been too rude. it's so not like me. time for me to stop.

7/22/14


wala naman daw palang laman e? does it mean i was lying the whole time? aww, kung sabagay, iba nga naman yung "sinasabi" sa "pinapakita" D: words speak louder than actions if you choose to take everything literally :D and yes, everything i did before doesn't matter now.
e kung ako kaya yung maglaro o gumawa ng ibang bagay kung kailan may (limited) free time kami pareho? :D

7/21/14

i've already seen this before but i just cannot not share this on my blog :3



me and him in a nutshell. hahahaha naalala ko nung palagi ko syang tinitickle torture dahil sobrang lakas ng kiliti nya tapos masasaktan nya ko unintentionally tapos mapipikon at maiiyak ako sa sakit tapos sasabihin nya OA lang ako????? hahahahahha omg i miss my man so much

7/20/14


yay! i'm so happy not only because one of my bestfriends got me a freaking tardis bag but also with the mere fact that i'll get to receive something from a friend  without even having to ask~ hindi nga kami madalas makapagusap ni payeh tapos binilihan nya pa ko ng regalo ng walang dahilan huhuhu nakakahiya lang D: pero sobrang natutuwa ako kasi hindi naman lahat ng mga kaibigan ko binibigyan ako ng gift kaya hindi ako masyadong sanay sa ganitong feeling :D hahahahaha hashtag happy kid 

7/19/14

after so many months, i got the guts to tell him everything about my insecurities. yes, finally. it didn't go easy though. we had a crazy fight about it. but it was worth it. i think it was a pretty good argument. i love the fact that he was able to calm down. props to him for managing to pull his shit together in the middle of the fight. i somehow felt my importance haha :) good communication with each other is our edge after all, the way we approach and talk things open-mindedly. it's something that brought us together 3 years ago, and it's also what holds our relationship to stay strong. hopefully, this keeps going~

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on the other hand... i still can't get rid of my insecurities. it's not about him anymore. it's about me. a battle between me and my self-esteem. i've always had this low confidence when it comes to my partner. i can't help thinking that all the ladies around him are better than me and he could easily dump and replace with me with some new girl who is prettier, richer, nicer or someone he can easily be proud of and show off to everyone he knows.

if only i had a better life to begin with. hahahahahahahahahhahha :(

7/18/14

my closest friends can tell how much i love money. haha, yes! money makes me happy! :D i love the idea of earning money and spending it to get the things i want or get things for the people i care for. i know money isn't everything but with it, you can secure yourself and your family with basic necessities. with money, you can travel and see the world. with money, you can buy or do things to make you and your loved ones happy at the very least~ it's not about the material thing that you get for them. it's the thought of you sharing to them what you have earned, the primary fact that you remembered them.

doesn't that feel like an achievement? when you get to afford things with your own money that you worked for instead of spending the money your parents gave you? now think about it, you've been a burden to your parents for how long? two decades? you gotta start moving your butt. you can't depend on them for the rest of your life. start doing something productive like not being a burden to them. hahahahaha hashtag note to self

PS. sana next year makapag move out na ko
oh my god hahahahahahahsdajfaklgjakslhg okay. i just saw something funny. no, it's not funny funny. but it was a funny thing to see. and i hate the fact that i cannot unsee it. fuck this.

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narealize ko lang na wala na kaming interactions sa facebook. yeah, sa chat meron. pero hindi na katulad dati na nagcocomment o naglilike siya sa posts ko. hindi naman sa gusto ko ng attention nya (okay, actually deep inside gusto ko talaga hahahaha) pero hindi ko kasi alam kung hindi nya lang ba napapansin o hindi talaga nya pinapansin? kasi hello nasa facebook naman sya lagi? nakakapaglike nga sya ng picture ng iba tapos minsan may comment pang nakaka ano.. hahahahahahaha

hindi ko lang kasi gets bakit nung nasa pinas pa ko nakikipagharutan at nakikipaglandian naman sya sakin sa facebook hahaha akala nga nung iba wala na kami. kasi dati nagpopost ako ng picture namin, tinag ko na't lahat lahat, NR pa din hahahahahahahaha nakakainggit lang yung friends nya na naipopost nya sa sarili nyang wall. sana nga kunwari friends nalang kami para okay lang makita ng mama nya haha feeling ko tuloy hindi sya proud sakin :D pero okay lang :D sino nga ba naman magiging proud sa tulad ko hays HAHAHAHAHAHAHA joke

grabe ang arte ko huhuhuhuhu pati ba naman to pinoproblema ko. hahaha ang dami kong problema sa buhay, feeling ko kung nakakapagsalita lang yung blog ko sasabihin nya maglason nalang ako hahahahahaha pansariling arte ko lang naman to kaya wag nyo na ko intindihin :D don't mind me, guys. i'm crazy. i just need to get this off my chest. promise last ko na to :D

note to self: don't stalk your boyfriend. there are things you'd rather not see. ignorance is fucking bliss :D
don't you realize how lucky you are? that everything is about you? it's always been about you. i can't tell if it's a good thing but i know this won't do anything good in the long run. so, yeah.

7/11/14

feeling mediocre and submissive again~ blaming myself for everything like always~ i hate myself for having so much self-hate (self-hateception) well, it's actually my fault since i gave someone else the power to make me feel inferior and weak (see? i'm still taking responsibility omg i'm not even trying i promise)

funny how i hate myself so much. yeah, i find it funny! hahaha i don't understand how other girls get so much confidence with themselves? like where are they getting their self-esteem? T^T i can't even get close to the idea that i'm good enough. feels like everything nice i've ever done becomes meaningless when i did one tiny mistake.

*sigh* i need to give myself a break. thinking about it would just make things even more complicated. hakuna matata, bitch. what's the point of hoping anyway? i'm tired. tired of hoping, tired of worrying, tired of pleasing people, tired of everything.
i'm not the type of person who seeks for signs to prove myself something. i actually think depending your destiny on signs is crazy because they don't justify scientifically whether something is true or will likely happen. just because you saw a male hippo driving a pink car today doesn't mean your crush likes you back. hello???

i'm not saying signs aren't true though. no one can really tell. like who knows? it's all about trust anyway~ and a friend once told me that the concept of trust doesn't need or have any scientific explanation... maybe that's why i've trust issues. i don't easily believe in anything i hear or read unless the physical proof i wanted gets slapped right in my face. (omg not literally, okay?!)

well. my main point here is just.. no matter how big or little the odds are, you'd still just believe in what you want, and not because you got the shitty sign you've been waiting for.

conversely, sometimes the absence of signs is already a sign.

7/3/14

I didn't even have to ask him to take and send me a photo of himself to make my day~ i know how much he hates taking selfies and going through the hassle of learning how to upload photos on certain social networks~ but he just randomly did :D little things like this matter so much when you're 8075198631961731 miles away ❤️ 


My hard feelings are suddenly gone. I just can never resist this man. Not ever. 

7/2/14


sorry for being apologetic :<

i just wanna share (probably) the best article i've ever read about marriage. it says here all the basic things you need to know how to keep your relationship strong and healthy. it's totally worth the long read.

here's my own summarization: whatever happens, put your partner first before anything else (your own feelings, pride, career, friends, temptations, material things, etc.). i'm not saying to wrap your partner around yourself, but instead, wrap your world around your partner. make him/her the center of everything you do. let him/her inspire you to do better and not expire you. welcome him/her to your world without keeping any secret. but don't be overly attached to the point you make him/her a puppet in your hands. never take your partner for granted. don't ever neglect him/her just because you're mad, sad or too happy with something/somebody else. if you stay the same sweet, loving, respectful man/woman that your partner fell in love with the very first time you two started dating, you would never ever lose the spark :D staying loyal is not a hard task to do, i swear. (unless you're a stupid flirt by nature who sucks big time at taking care of relationships)

this does not just apply to men, though. the ladies are also encouraged to do the things listed here. if you wanna be treated like a queen, be sure to treat your man like a king too. (however, it's a whole new different story when you treated him like a king yet he decided to just enslave you, ohww~)

by Gerald Rogers

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

7/1/14

I'm afraid to expect something and see nothing. I just wanna be gone for now.
I look stupid waiting for someone to talk to me when i'm not sure if he even wants to talk to me to begin with hahahaha oh my gosh, silly me
"You seem like you're crying every time you see cute stuff." - Ralph

Hahaha well, this meme is basically me.