lately, i've been having a hard time to sleep at night because i can't stop thinking about us. there are so many questions that keep me awake. i'm trying to figure out the answers but i always end up confusing myself more.

to be honest, i can't get over the things i've heard that night. and i can still hear it in my mind over and over again. "there might be no next time..." sounds very painful to me. yes, right in the heart.

you said my flaws doesn't stop you from loving me. but why are you setting a limit of what we're capable of? i am completely aware that you love me. but please, don't tell me that you're going to leave me "when" shit happens again. because it makes me doubt my place in your heart. are you no longer afraid to lose me like you used to? i would rather hear you say you will never leave me "even if" shit happens again.

you said you're sick of arguing with me. i know how you feel. arguments are such pain in the ass. but there will always be arguments in a relationship. and it's what keeps us alive. as long as we're fighting, it shows that we still care. so please don't ever grow tired of me. because i'm more than ready to face any challenges as long as we're hand in hand.

you also said, just like me, you see yourself having a family with me. you imagine us settling and having kids. it might be too much to ask but i really wanna be happy with you for the rest of my life. i know we can't tell the future but we can try, right? tell me that we can! because we are still going to prove the people who pulls us down that they're all wrong.. that we could really last forever.

this is actually intended to be a blog post. and the moment i started writing this, i was really depressed. i had doubts. i wrote so many sad stuff. but i decided to delete everything and start over and make it a letter to you instead. because i can't lie to myself that i still love you no matter what happens. surprisingly, just a thought of you turns the bad mood upside down. then i gave a quick run though to our happy photos, i was crying but they made me smile. because we look so cute together and i realized how much i really don't wanna lose you. i can't stop loving you because i don't want to. so please don't ever leave me. and i swear to you i will try my best not to give you heartaches again.

xx ♥