8/31/13




random sinking feeling for no apparent reason~



8/30/13


ang creepy ni koya! D: 1 mutual friend, inadd ako at nagmessage pa with pamatay na grammar. nakakahiya naman sa please at thanks niya e? ibigay ko na kaya "mobile phone" ko? kaso wag na mawawalan ako ng pangtext hahaha autoblock ko na lang siya :D
it's touching to receive a sweet little piece of advice from one of my craziest friends. i didn't even have to tell him that there's something wrong. maybe he realized i wasn't in a good mood when i didn't entertain his crazy messages. it's just funny how he's very gago but tried to cheer me up without even having to ask him.

"magkwekwento ka ba o hahanap pa kita ng turtle? basta ang maliit na bagay, hindi na dapat pinapansin. yan na lang isipin mo. kasi ang maliit, minsan lumalaki. enjoy ka lang :)"

8/29/13

i thought you were close to perfect
but i guess i was wrong

:)
naging masaya naman ako ngayong araw kahit papaano :D pero medyo masakit pa din kapag naalala ko yung nakita ko kahapon :D pero okay lang :D sa totoo lang wala namang masama dun :D ewan ko ba nalulungkot lang ako :D feeling ko lang kasi ang unfair :D pero wala naman talagang masama dun :D so hindi talaga siya unfair :D ang totoo talaga nagfifeeling lang ako hahahaha :D pero okay lang dahil choice kong magpanggap na wala akong nakita :D para hindi ako mahurt haha :D ayoko naman magaway kami dahil lang sa pangsarili kong reason :D hindi ko alam kung makakabuti ba tong ginagawa ko :D pero okay lang lilipas din to at makakalimutan ko din yun :D besides, ginusto kong itago to :D kaya i swear hindi ako magsusumbat ng kahit ano :D ang mahalaga masaya ko ngayon :D

ang weird ng defense mechanism ko :(

8/28/13

tama nga naman siya. marami siyang problema na wala akong putanginang alam. ang gago ko din sumasabay pa ko e? siya yung laging pagod at maraming iniisip, ako pa yung may ganang malungkot na wala kaming time together? ang bobo ko rin e no tangina? wala akong alam. dapat talaga manahimik na lang ako. yung sorry ko hindi na din naman siya naniniwala. at mas gusto niyang wag ko na siya muna kausapin. hinding hindi na talaga ko manggugulo simula ngayon. baka sakaling mas umokay ang lahat kapag nanahimik ako. last na to :)
i am so hateful that even the person who loves me the most hates me now.

sad sad life.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS~
"Usually once the whole truth is revealed you realize you were happier being clueless."

sakit talaga e :(

minsan mas ok pa talagang wala akong alam!
gusto ko magalit pero mas nalulungkot lang ako :(

:(((((((((
HINDI NAKAKATUWA MGA NAKIKITA KO PUTANGINA :)
ANG UNFAIR GAGO. IIYAK NA LANG AKO.
That sinking feeling when you're ignored :) okay lang. Ginusto mo naman magpapansin in the first place. Risk yon. You can't expect to be noticed, though it's the main goal of the act. But it still depends on the person kung papansinin ka niya or what. Sucks when you're not. Ha! Ha!

In addition to my previous entry, i think i am positively longing for his attention. Parang nandito pa ko pero pakiramdam ko ang layo layo namin. What more when i'm finally gone? Would a single attention still be given? Wait, wrong. Why am i thinking this way? Jiashi, stahp.
Is it me or am i really losing my value now? Is this because i was being too annoying lately that i started to become a little less important? Someone told me that i might be just seeking for his attention. Half true. Sometimes i commit mistakes, maybe it's because i passively want him to always notice me. But i have to freaking avoid it because it always turns out bad. I should cope up with changes such as i can no longer simply ask for his extra attention. He has a lot more other stuff to do and i should be understanding enough about that. Obviously, i'm just feeling like this since i have nothing else to be busy with except him. Stupid feelings.

And in the end, it's still me.

- - -

Funny how little things hurts a lot :)

8/25/13

i love this day! :D

nag UBE kami ni diana kasi sabi niya gusto niya daw ako makita bago man lang ako umalis papuntang states. ayun nagmeet kami sa mega tapos nagkwentuhan lang ng bonggang bongga! :D hahaha favorite online friend ko talaga si diana kasi 7 years na ata kaming magkakilala pero never pa kami nagkatampuhan or anything, kahit once in a blue moon kami magkita in person at hindi naman kami lagi nakakapagusap dahil pareho kaming busy sa kanya kanyang buhay! ang stress free lang ng friendship namin ahahahah

nung umuwi ako, wala pang tao sa bahay. e wala naman akong dalang key so pumunta muna ako sa computer shop tapos sakto may audition dun! kaya natry ko ulit maglaro ng audition after 3 or 4 years? ahahahah nandun pa rin lahat ng indefinite items ko. medyo nakakabitter lang the fact na nakagastos ako ng mahigit 20k php dun nung hindi pa kasama yung bayad sa rent hahahaha bobong anak days

tapos nakakatuwa sobra yung mga rebelasyon ni booh ngayon :D masaya ako kasi may bago na daw siyang cheverloo hahahah :"> fangirl ako ng lovelife niya e hahaha at tsaka super happy ako para sa kanya kasi sa kabila ng lahat ng keme na nangyari sa kanya, nagtatake pa rin siya ng risk :D basta kahit anong mangyari sa kanya at kahit sinong lalake pa ang dumaan sa mga palad niya, susuportahan at ichicheer ko pa rin siya with pompoms! ♥

basta. simple lang naman tong araw na to wala naman masyadong nangyari pero masaya ako ewan ko kung bakit :D nakaka good vibes talaga.

ay, achaka medyo nagiging okay na din pala kami :D pero namimiss ko na talaga siya.

jiashi is very happy today :D
i'm not pretending that i'm happy. i really am happy when i talk to him. but i can't stop being sad at the same time. i don't know when will everything go back to the way it was. or will it ever be.

/sigh /otl /sob

8/24/13

One day you'll lose me as i lose you
We'll lose each other but it's for our sake

:)
he had too much of me.
he had too much of me.
he had too much of me.

now it's easier to remember.

i don't wanna cry anymore but i can't stop caring.
he's the one who's asking me to stop now.
don't worry, dear. i'll try to get there.
How do you sleep with a broken heart?

8/16/13

nasa smsl kami kanina ni wearvin, nanonood kami ng the conjuring sa ipod ko tapos naubusan ng battery D: e walang wala na kong cash nun at kailangan ko magclaim ng pera sa xoom, tapos nasa ipod ko yung transaction number. so nagisip kami ng paraan para maicharge yung ipod ko kasi kailangan ko talaga makuha yung transaction number para magkapera ko. sinuggest niya na pumunta kami sa gadgets area in case na may charging station.

tapos dahil dun nakaisip ako ng bright idea! na pupunta kami sa isang store para magcanvas kunwari ng charger tapos ichecheck kunwari kung gumagana yung charger tapos chichika-chikahin yung nagtitinda para makapagcharge ng konti yung ipod ko hahahahaha kaya lang sobrang tawa ako ng tawa sa sarili kong idea habang shineshare ko yun kay wearvin (yung feeling na para kang naglike ng sarili mong post) sabi niya wala daw akong future sa mga role play role play D: kaya bandang huli siya na lang magisa yung gumawa, kasi kapag kasama daw ako baka mabulilyaso pa dahil ramdam niyang tatawa lang ako dun hahahahahaha

pero ayun successful naman yung plano namin, nakaipon ng konting battery sa pamamagitan ng charm niya hahaha kahit nakokonsensya siya okay lang hahaha things he do for me~ wuahahahah

8/13/13

i don't know if you are even aware that i miss you emotionally. you play a vital role in my life and i can't afford to lose you. i keep hoping that things are gonna go back to the way there were, when everything's so simple. i miss you so much i wanna sneak to your house right now just to check if you are having a good sleep. i really need you, babe. it makes me so sad but i think this is a good sign. this shows that i just really care enough about you that my senses can't take the loss of you.

why the hell am i even crying now?

8/12/13

ang saya pa rin nung saturday kahit epic fail yung rampage event! :D sabi nga ni da, meant to be talaga na wala kaming mapala sa rampage kaya we ended up na tumambay na lang sa prism plaza! hahaha first time ko makabonding yung cyborgs in real life! :D achaka first time ko din pala magpunta sa prism plaza, sabi ni jm parang ganun daw yung malls sa singapore, ang gandaaa *u*


nagkwentuhan lang kami about lol stuff habang hinihintay dumating si wearvin~ nagkaron din pala ng personality tests kasi ang galing mangpsycho ni jm! hahaha napsycho nga niya si alex na magpapizza party e! kaya nung dumating na si wearvin, nagkayayaan uminom sa bahay / condo / penthouse ni jm! big time!

kahit konti lang kami masaya pa rin! :D cyborgs are 10x crazier in rela life!! sana talaga maulit to tapos mas marami nang makasama! hahahahah marami pa kong masayang kwento pero wag na lang. wala kaming group photo kaya ganito lang D:

8/11/13

RAMPAGE 2013

...was the worst online game event i've ever attended.

pumila ko around 11 am kasama ko sila alex, pee at freakz at yung tatlo pang friends nila. tapos around 12:30 pm may nagroronda na representative announcer sabi sa megaphone balik na lang daw ng 4 pm kasi naubusan ng ticket pero may mabibili pa ring merch until 9 pm (seriously?) nagalisan na yung iba sa pila pero kami nagstay pa rin. ilang oras na lang naman kaming maghihintay. makakapasok din yan tiwala lang. hahaha pero nung 2 pm lumabas ulit yung announcer at sinabing wala na daw irerelease na tickets! ayun medyo nawalan na ko ng pagasa sa rampage kaya umalis na kami nung 2 pm. tapos bandang 6 pm nagtext sakin yung kakilala ko, sabi nakapasok daw sila kasi nagbenta pa ng tickets!! like wtf?

given na nga na nagfail yung event nila, tapos dinagdagan pa nila ng mali maling announcement. ang daming umasa.

hindi naman ako basher. pero para sakin, mali talaga yung organizers ng event na yun. sana nilagay na lang nila sa napakaraming advertisements nila na limited yung tickets na ilalabas nila. o kaya sana nagresearch na lang sila kung gaano karami ang mga pupunta. hindi bale nang sumobra, wag lang kulangin.

basta lame talaga yung management. kanya kanyang opinyon lang naman yan. may mga nagdedefend sa side nung event organizers kasi meron naman ibang mga nakapasok at nakapagenjoy ng merch. well, good for them. pero majority? walang napala. kung ako nga 3 hours lang sumuko na ko sa pila, what more yung iba na lumuwas pa galing province tapos nagcamp sa labas ng smx madaling araw pa lang, pero at the end of the day, hindi sila nakapasok. hindi ba nakakainis yun? kaya hindi rin talaga masisisi yung mga "putangina" chanters kahapon hahaha

8/8/13

self-realization # 14

i'm jealous of how other people are able to choose the way they live their life. like with the course they want to take up, the hobby they want to do, the place they want to live, etc.

because here's me, tied up to do only what i am asked to do. and i can't do anything about it. sometimes, i would like to think that everything's being unfair to me. but then i remember what i have right now, i realized i'm not really that unlucky. i'm still thankful after all.

so instead of complaining and asking for more, i would still just pursue with my plans and i promise to do it all out of the things that will be given to me :D

8/7/13

babe,

lately, i've been having a hard time to sleep at night because i can't stop thinking about us. there are so many questions that keep me awake. i'm trying to figure out the answers but i always end up confusing myself more.

to be honest, i can't get over the things i've heard that night. and i can still hear it in my mind over and over again. "there might be no next time..." sounds very painful to me. yes, right in the heart.

you said my flaws doesn't stop you from loving me. but why are you setting a limit of what we're capable of? i am completely aware that you love me. but please, don't tell me that you're going to leave me "when" shit happens again. because it makes me doubt my place in your heart. are you no longer afraid to lose me like you used to? i would rather hear you say you will never leave me "even if" shit happens again.

you said you're sick of arguing with me. i know how you feel. arguments are such pain in the ass. but there will always be arguments in a relationship. and it's what keeps us alive. as long as we're fighting, it shows that we still care. so please don't ever grow tired of me. because i'm more than ready to face any challenges as long as we're hand in hand.

you also said, just like me, you see yourself having a family with me. you imagine us settling and having kids. it might be too much to ask but i really wanna be happy with you for the rest of my life. i know we can't tell the future but we can try, right? tell me that we can! because we are still going to prove the people who pulls us down that they're all wrong.. that we could really last forever.

this is actually intended to be a blog post. and the moment i started writing this, i was really depressed. i had doubts. i wrote so many sad stuff. but i decided to delete everything and start over and make it a letter to you instead. because i can't lie to myself that i still love you no matter what happens. surprisingly, just a thought of you turns the bad mood upside down. then i gave a quick run though to our happy photos, i was crying but they made me smile. because we look so cute together and i realized how much i really don't wanna lose you. i can't stop loving you because i don't want to. so please don't ever leave me. and i swear to you i will try my best not to give you heartaches again.

xx ♥

8/6/13


hindi ako makatulog kagabi kaya inexplore ko yung mga photo apps sa ipod ko /heh

8/5/13

sometimes i'm being too annoying that other people might think i'm insensitive. like i'm not using my brain before doing something to / for them. i wasn't thinking what would they feel when i do this or that. feels like i'm helping anyone at all. in other words, i'm  worthless. yup. i can't do good to other people anymore. not even for myself. i always cause trouble even when i don't intend to. always.

i make too much trouble that no one would probably want to have me in their life. akala ko dati ang dami ko nang alam kasi mas experienced ako compared sa ibang mga kaibigan ko. but why the fucking hell do i still make a lot of mistakes? even if i try to do something good for somebody, it won't matter kasi mas marami pa rin akong pangit na nagagawa.

forte ko ba manira ng magandang mood ng ibang tao? bobo ba talaga ko sa life? o sadyang malas lang ako? i feel bad to those people who are extremely close to me. they get to encounter the ugly side of me more often. people who don't have me in their life are luckier kasi hindi sila madadamay sa kamalasan ko or katangahan ko.

hahaha kailangan ko lang tumawa para at least matapos ng masaya tong post na to :D


a few drinks won't hurt, right? i just really need something to help me get some sleep. i don't even know why i'm doing this. but this is a lot safer instead of taking pills. as long as i'm drinking alone.

ang oa talaga ng katawan ko sa alcohol. my face turned cherry red after 3 seconds?! asian fucking flush. but i'm pretty sure nasa tamang katinuan pa ko ngayon. but my body's starting to feel hot and i'm feeling kinda dizzy now. but good thing this would help me fall asleep easier. but. but. but.

fml ok

8/3/13

my new case for ipod touch 5 has been delivered today! :D


annie is my forever favorite ♥ ♥ ♥
bakit kaya tinatamad ako ngayong araw? parang wala akong gana sa lahat ahoohoo~

may basketball game mamaya si wearvin. gusto ko sumama kasi gusto ko siya makita ngayon. o kaya magpupunta muna ko sa 168 magisa para maghanap ng cosplay stuff tapos didirecho ako sa dasma para sunduin siya tsaka kami magdidinner pagkatapos ng laro niya... pero sobrang tinatamad ako talaga ko kumilos D:

speaking of cosplay, iniisip ko kung icocosplay ko ba si annie sa rampage~ kaya lang baka kasi hindi makasama si wearvin D: e kung mameet ko man yung cyborgs dun malamang aasarin lang nila ko pag nakita nila kong naka annie costume D: D: D: actually hindi ko rin talaga alam kung pupunta pa ko in the first place. e nakakatamad naman umattend kung hindi ko rin kasama boyfriend ko. tapos si snowe 50/50 din. maghahanap muna siguro ko ng makakasamang babae~ ayoko kasi sumama sa ibang cyborgs na pupunta rin hahaha baka pag pinagtripan nila ko tapos walang magtatanggol sakin T^T

hay.. bahala na sa august 10.