self-realization # 9

you know, i feel like i can be nominated as the person who has the most complicated mind in the whole universe. or a runner up for the most hyperbolic bitch ever. (no, please, you're not funny jiashi. just shut up.)

okay, moving on...

i just realized how un-understandable i am (forgive me, i can't think of an alternate word for that) i'm so confusing, ain't i? i even confuse myself sometimes. what more the people around me?

imagine. if right at this moment, i'm thinking about something really awesome, a few minutes later, expect i will start thinking about something really awful. and it wasn't me! i swear! i mean, yeah, it was me but it wasn't my choice. it comes from me out of nowhere. couldn't figure out. that sounds so crazy but i really don't know why and how my mood could change as quick as that.

plus i think i got this imba ability to pretend. i could realistically act like there's nothing wrong and make them believe that i'm totally fine, when in my mind, there's actually lots of 12j3k1g41lmx1uoun12y1o1y and some !@#!%!@#!^!@&(^):?"=';;|///. and it's not as easy as it sounds. hmm, i could let them notice that i'm just pretending if i want to. but if i don't, they would never get an idea about it. ever.

honestly, i feel so fake right now (it's kind of ironic to see the words "honest" and "fake" in the same sentence hahaahaha) like i'm not being myself anymore. oh my god who the hell am i?

well, it's a fact that nobody could actually guess what's going on my head, UNLESS they read my blog :D because everything that is written here is basically authentic. all of these came from my bare mind. so yeah, this is the last place where i can be so true. but if they will only look at what their eyes could see, they will never know i'm sad. like right now.

oh hey, by the way, i was thinking, what if i go invisible? it would be so cool, don't you think? yeah, yeah? alright! :D