12/9/11

i can't stop from being sad.
not even league of legends can lift my mood.

i'm so depressed that i want to sleep for a week. or just wake up when everything has passed. i want to put myself in comatose. because i can't bear to see other people getting hurt while i'm happy, especially the ones who are very close to me. it breaks my heart when i see them sad because of me. i won't stop blaming myself until my conscience kills me. i want to have amnesia right now. i want to forget the things that i always remember. i want to delete the recent memories and start over again. i want to undo happenings. i mean, yeah, it made me happy, but i really can't accept it. because i feel like i don't deserve it at all anyway. either too much, or i'm not good enough for it. well, it's almost the same.

it was my fault. i am guilty. i want to apologize.

seriously, this is harder than the moving on process before. this doesn't make me cry but i'm having a hard time sleeping. plus, it's too stressful. ugh. i need a hug.