8/20/11

"Jealousy is a mental cancer." - B.C. Forbes


hahaha sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ako nagseselos e :D hindi ako selosa, lalo na kung wala naman dapat pagselosan at kung wala naman akong karapatan magselos. and in this case, i really have no rights to feel that way.


he texted me few hours ago, he's on his way to laguna with his college classmates. yeah, he's with those assholes who took him away from me. hahahahaha joke lang! nagswiswimming daw sila ngayon dun e, and i'm pretty sure he's having fun. they're happy, and i'm bitter. hahahaha joke lang ulit!


but seriously, i don't know why i always get this sinking feeling whenever i see him happy with somebody else D: even when we were still together, i already felt insecured back then. i kinda envy those people who gets to see him everyday. particularly his "new" schoolmates and friends. the saddest part of the story is.. he didn't give me the fucking assurance D: so i thought that i must prepare myself.. i know at any point, he might dump me once he falls for somebody.


and it happened.
it fucking happened.
i knew it's going to happen.


oh wait, why the hell am i bringing this topic up again?! hahaha


oh well, moving on...


.


i really don't know if i should stay or i just should go. it still feels awkward whenever he's trying to get closer to me so i want to avoid him~ but it's not that i don't like him.. i'm just afraid that he might hurt me gain D:


all i wanna do now is to distance myself from him. i won't let him know that i'm sad and still not over him. i'll make him believe that i'm happy without him.


good idea? not.


i know i'm being too harsh, but i don't care. i'm just trying to protect myself XD he's a very scary man! he made my heart feel like a shattered glass before. and i know, he could do it again if i would give him the chance.


i still like him, but i know the limits.
this is the only way i know to avoid getting hurt again.
i really do like him, but i like myself even more :D