i finally figured everything out. it was all my fault. now, call me stupid. i won't fight back, i promise! i deserve it :D
i acted so immature lately. i'm ashamed and i hate myself. why didn't i think of these things before? well, regrets never comes first. that's the game of life. and i can't change that.. all i can do is to play by the rules. i have to be wise. at all times! starting today. 11:00 pm of june 20, 2010.
i can't get mad at him if he doesn't understand me~ because in the first place, i didn't let him know what i really feel. i was too unfair! i wasn't like this before. but as time pass by, he noticed that i'm starting to change. not for the better. i did everything i thought that can make me feel better. to the point that im no longer thinking what he might feel about it. i was expecting him to understand me... ALWAYS! without returning him the favor. yeah, selfish much.
right now, i want to lower my pride. i want him to know that i can't stand a day without hearing a word from him. i want to tell him what i actually feel and clear things up, without hiding anything. i want to apologize. but the problem is... I DON'T KNOW HOW. now, did you noticed that i'm starting to let my pride ruin everything again? such an ass, am i not?
actually, we're talking right now. texting. and i think i must start bringing up the topic. yeah, i should be the one to open it! it's my first challenge. if i can't do this simple thing, then i can't lower my pride either. but once i fixed this, i promise i won't break it again. not anymore.